I thought it was my best effort to overcome each step from the very bottom of the level to the appropriate one which makes my status equal to the normal track. I experienced the worst life style and the situation that I hated myself during preparing proposal defense, but I believe that my effort on the exam does not matter for this deepest sadness. If you do your best and you had never tried that kind of level of effort in your life, you must be proud of yourself. But somebody whom you cannot force or make an effect on says that your effort is simply less than others so that you are deserve to be depreciated and ignored, then you cannot imagine how you will be frustrated. The best option at this step is just to adopt the offer that you never expected and chuckle seeing the mirror with your ugly face. So called an authority, which has forced your every professional and ordinary behavior and direction, as well as your financial status that is so crucial to maintain your everyday life, say buying a milk or donating $10 to your church, is now arguing that you should follow its secretary but “objective” way of forcing your life without any doubt. I have heard that it is happened usually in Korea, but I have hoped that US school is much clearer in every decision making regarding to the communication between uneven classes in the same institution. I do not want to refer any fucking economics concept to criticize the bad and so bumptious decision making and stance, but I have to say that this is just not logical thing, and this is never to be in a place where logic, knowledge, fairness, diversity, and clearness are respected, simply the university. There is nothing I can do to improve any part of this situation, and I believe I had done my best effort. This is the reason why I am so frustrated.
Okay, I just needed a place where I shout 임금님 귀는 당나귀 귀. I apologize for you readers if you read this unseemly article by accident.