life sucks

I thought it was my best effort to overcome each step from the very bottom of the level to the appropriate one which makes my status equal to the normal track. I experienced the worst life style and the situation that I hated myself during preparing proposal defense, but I believe that my effort on the exam does not matter for this deepest sadness. If you do your best and you had never tried that kind of level of effort in your life, you must be proud of yourself. But somebody whom you cannot force or make an effect on says that your effort is simply less than others so that you are deserve to be depreciated and ignored, then you cannot imagine how you will be frustrated. The best option at this step is just to adopt the offer that you never expected and chuckle seeing the mirror with your ugly face. So called an authority, which has forced your every professional and ordinary behavior and direction, as well as your financial status that is so crucial to maintain your everyday life, say buying a milk or donating $10 to your church, is now arguing that you should follow its secretary but “objective” way of forcing your life without any doubt. I have heard that it is happened usually in Korea, but I have hoped that US school is much clearer in every decision making regarding to the communication between uneven classes in the same institution. I do not want to refer any fucking economics concept to criticize the bad and so bumptious decision making and stance, but I have to say that this is just not logical thing, and this is never to be in a place where logic, knowledge, fairness, diversity, and clearness are respected, simply the university. There is nothing I can do to improve any part of this situation, and I believe I had done my best effort. This is the reason why I am so frustrated.

Okay, I just needed a place where I shout 임금님 귀는 당나귀 귀. I apologize for you readers if you read this unseemly article by accident.

4 thoughts on “life sucks

  1. 누구 붙잡고 하소연하기 좀 불편하거나 걸리적 거리는걸 풀어놓을수 있는 맛에 블로깅 하는거 아니겠어요. 힘내세요! 이것도 다 지나갈 일일테니까요.

    • 감사합니다. 전국 횡단(?) 여행은 잘 하셨어요? 늘 잘 읽고 있어요.

  2. 힘드시겠어요. 그래도 거울을 보면서 자신을 좋아해주세요. 열심히 했잖아요. 저도 얼마전에 믿었던 미쿡교수와 대판 싸우고…. 혼자 감정추스리지못하여 주변사람들에게 화만 냈는데… 에효..미국학교도 뭐 다르다면 다르겠지만 또 그렇게 다르지는 않겠죵.

    • 결국 아카데미아에서 교수와 학생 사이의 관계는 아무리 리버럴하게 형식적으로 대해준다고 해도 근본적으로는 갑과 을의 관계에서 벗어날 수 없는 것 같아요. 그 한계를 다시 한번 깨닫고 있는 중입니다 ㅋ

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